Dynasty Warriors: The Interview
by ecnal nogardnap
Summary: When Liu Bei interviews a new officer candidate, he finds that he is...Different...


_**Dynasty Warriors: The Interview**_

Disclaimer: Koei owns Dynasty Warriors. The warrior featured in this story is mine.

Summary: Liu Bei, having interviewed countless prospective officers, comes across an intriguing new recruit… (One-shot, no pairings)

A.N.: The OC here might not be too expressive. This is a crack at some of the overused/overpowered personalities and character traits in OCs. It is not meant to offend any authors because I'm well aware that most OC authors are smart enough to manage original and well-planned stories with proper justification/progression for their OCs. Finally, if you don't like OCs or if you prefer the more commonly found OC types, you can leave. You have been warned! Enjoy!

Liu Bei, emperor of Shu Han, had an empire to run. He had to make sure he had only the most upright yet capable individuals helping him to run his kingdom.

Over the months which had seemed like years, he had found lots of officers. However, although they WERE talented and upright, their backstories had some startling…similarities.

The person that sat in front of him seemed different, though. He was a young man with a razor tipped hat on his had as well as one on his back. He was also dressed in a basic grey kung fu robe with artistic dragons on it.

They sat in a room. Sunlight drifted through the patterned windows, the drapes open and the day fresh. Liu Bei took a sip of herbal tea before talking.

"So, master…"

"Li Wen."

"You wish to join my kingdom? I'm honoured and grateful, but…Although I'm willing to allow you to do so, I'm afraid I'll have to run a check on your background. You see, I've had several monotonous brushes with new officers and I want to see how YOU are…"

"Fair enough."

"Right. First question…Are you from an alternate universe? Or an alternate time? Maybe even another planet or country? Have you played DW?"

"To be honest, yes. The twist here is I've been personified as a dual razor hat wielding man when in reality I probably couldn't even lift a sword as my twenty first century self. And yes, I play DW. I've been a fan since 3."

"Hmm, you admit to the personification. Nice.

(a.n.: I'm unsure if most OCs are based on the authors and don't point it out, this is just my own addition based on a smart guess)

"Second question. What are your motivations for joining my kingdom? Are you seeking revenge on a specific officer, here or in Wei or Wu? Or do you have a tragic backstory which is somehow relevant to my vision of a land of virtue?"

"To be honest, I just like playing the good guy. My backstory is mundane to most except that I have a great family."

"Well, that's a first…" the ruler said with a smirk.

"Come again?"

"Well, most of the time the females that join are seeking revenge against either Zhao Yun, Ma Chao, Jiang Wei, or even Xiahou Dun and maybe Gan Ning. Instead, they find love.

"And most people that join me either suffered an injustice or had their village and/or family destroyed which leads them to make a grim vow to make sure something like that never happens again."

"So you get that a lot?" Li Wen asked jokingly.

"You have NO idea…Third question. What do you attribute to your skill? Were you forced into self defence and found you had a natural affinity with it? Or did you train under the mightiest warriors for most of your childhood? Maybe you were actually trained by the immortals?"

"None of the above. I'm fairly new at this so I can't claim I'm officially skilled with my hats."

The young man paused.

"Does the blessing of an author count as trained by immortals?"

"Well, it depends. How old are you?"

"21 this year, sir."

"Then it doesn't. If you were trained by the immortals, you'd have attained prolonged life and a youthful appearance. That's the norm for those sorts of warriors. I'll just list you under 'other'."

"Thank you, sir."

(A.N.: I'm unsure about this either)

"Now…Fourth question…When you went through your childhood, did you go through any angst? Say maybe poverty, abuse, a love triangle, loss of a loved one, the feeling that you don't belong, whatever? Anything that might still be gnawing at your mind."

"Like I said, I had a good childhood. I'm quite well off and was generally quite well liked. I had most of the normal adventures most people have when growing up, but nothing phenomenal.

"No father dying because of bandits, no being raised by pirates, no mother dying of disease, no long lost love that will appear later on in my term of service, just normal stuff."

The Shu emperor nodded admiringly. Recently, he had just organised an 'Angsty Hour' at his taverns JUST for the new officers in his employ to mull over their problems.

However, since he had to be real specific to see if this guy was too good to be true, he had to be super specific.

"You sure you don't have a vendetta against anybody?"

"Well, I never quite liked Cao Cao, but I haven't sworn vengeance on anyone."

"Are you naturally attractive and have women falling head over heels in love with you all the time? I mean you look the part and all that…"

"Are you kidding? Among all my great friends, I'm probably the only one that hasn't gotten together with anybody yet! Besides, I want a girl who loves me for me, not my looks."

"Have you ever faced any significant existing officer before and lived? Let's say, Lu Bu?"

"No."

"Do you have any super physical traits? Are you so fast you can't be seen and look like you disappear and reappear? Anything at all?"

"Well, I've a friend who can do that speed thingy. He lives in another universe. Otherwise, I'm just a young man who engages in not-so intensive exercise every now and then to an adequate degree required to join the army."

(A.N.: This is a crack at one of my earlier stories that I wrote with my friend. His character was by far the most imbalanced one I've ever seen, possessing speed of that degree and able to knock off 3 fully grown brawny AND significant CHARACTERS off his lean body like Neo from the Matrix. Matrix copyright of Wachowski brothers )

"Are you confirmed to possess otherworldly traits uncommon to man? Say your eyes are a startling red, maybe 2 different colours, or maybe your hair is green? Or were either of your parents not fully human and your powers are just waiting to manifest?"

"I'm afraid I'm as plain as plain can get in that area, sir. As well as my parents. Though I'm pretty certain my friend I was talking about may have been related to that Dante fellow…"

(A.N.: Dante is copyright of Capcom, the Devil May Cry series)

With that said, Li Wen took his hat off to reveal spiky black hair and black eyes. Quite normal indeed.

"Have you had any other odd yet powerful gifts? Dreams of power? The odd gift that no matter the odds or situation, you always come out victorious?"

"Honestly, no. I can't guarantee anything since I've had no battle experience. All I can say is I'm just determined to do whatever I'm assigned according to my beliefs. Excuse me while I get some cold water…"

With that brief interlude, Liu Bei's mind was almost made up, barring one last question. He took another sip of tea. Li Wen came back with a cup of water and a jug full of water. The young man took a sip.

"Now where were we?"

"Well, Li Wen, I'm pleased to tell you that I've learned enough. I've concluded that you're not just any ordinary stranger to join the armies of Shu, Wu or even Wei. It would be my pleasure to assign you to our ranks. But to decide what you'll do, I have one last question…

"What do you think of the OTHER new officers? Be honest, now."

Li Wen couldn't contain a broad smile.

"Oh, look at me," he started in an exaggerated mocking voice.

"I'm an overangsty badass that acts all aloof from you normal guys with my mad skills and tragic backstory!

"Oh look! The soulmate that is conveniently the only person to effectively befriend me has found out my secret! It turns out that I'm just a poor boy that has nobody to love him and that's just how I shield myself from the outside world! Oh woe is me, won't somebody hold me!

"Lo and behold, now that I have opened up, I'm suddenly more powerful than ever! My soulmate who was a girl becomes my girlfriend through an immediate and natural attraction with little true development and I proceed to pawn every enemy in sight! And I live happily ever after!"

(A.N.: That's just how most archetypical angsty main anime guys work, IMO)

An awkward silence followed as the young man stopped his rant and sat down.

"Well, sir?" he asked a bit anxiously. Liu Bei smiled.

"Consider yourself one of the 50 Tiger Generals."

"Excuse me, 50?"

"Yes, the more powerful new guys found themselves as Tiger Generals after each one beat the 5 in combat. There are more, but they take turns every week."

Li Wen shook his head and put on his hat.

"I'm sorry, my lord, but I'll have to turn that down. Could you think of something else for me, please?"

"Hmm…I got it! Li Wen, I appoint you my minister of new officers! You will be in charge of moulding them into less similar officers so that there will be no need for such things as 'Angsty Hour'! What do you say?"

The young OC smiled and bowed with respect.

"My lord, consider it done. Now where do I work?"

Liu Bei smiled. Things WERE going to get a little different around here.

_**The End!**_

A.N.: Thank for reading the story! If you liked it, I'm glad I entertained you! Oh, and this is just a crack at the BASIC overused mainstream version of the OCs. I'm certain that a lot of you authors each have unique OCs that are significantly different in at least one way compared to the other OCs! And to the people that love the normal types of OCs/have some of their own, I can only say this…I DID warn you!


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